


Our Kind Of Love

by Promarvelfangirl (ProMarvelFanGirl)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Minor Character Death, Post-Civil War (Marvel), plus size reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-01 07:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11481165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProMarvelFanGirl/pseuds/Promarvelfangirl
Summary: You and Steve have a special kind of love.   One that many may not understand.  After all what would a super soldier who looked like that, want with a girl who looked like you.





	1. A goofy smile when I walk in the room

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post on Tumblr. :)

_I want a goofy smile when I walk in the room kind of love._

You were a lucky girl, and everyone knew it.  You had the perfect guy.  You were the girl who had Steve Rogers.  You had met Steve at the veteran’s hospital where you were volunteering.  All the nurses immediately fawned over Steve each one trying to get the handsome super soldier’s attention.  He only had eyes for you though.  

While the rest of the girls were batting their eyelashes and tossing their hair, you were playing cards with a group of sergeants who fought in Vietnam.   Your laughter caught Steve’s attention and he found himself drawn to the woman who could have cared less that he was in the room.  To say the other girls were shocked when he asked to join your group, was an understatement. 

Why the hell would Steve Rogers, a man who had the perfect super soldier body and handsome looks want anything to do with a woman who had more bumps and curves than any other woman in the whole hospital.  At least that is how you saw yourself.  You had wide hips and a tummy that was anything but flat, people would say her face is gorgeous, she would look amazing if she just lost some weight.  

None of that mattered to Steve.  All that mattered to him was the fact that you glanced up, gave him a smile, and turned your attention back to the three sergeants in front of you.  After prying himself away from the numerous women around him, he asked if he could join your game.  After two hours of cards, Steve had asked for your number and secured a date with you. 

You were frankly in shock when he asked for your number.  Glancing at Charlie, your favorite sergeant, he smiled at you encouragingly and gave you a wink.  You gave Steve you number and a shy grin before telling the boys that you would see them next week and made your way home.  You had no idea that he would actually call you, but he did.

Steve was a lucky man and he knew it.  He was lucky enough to have the most perfect girl in the world.  A girl who could care less that he was Captain America.  A girl who would rather sit at a table with a bunch of old men telling war stories, rather than gossip with the other volunteers about the new good looking doctor. 

A girl who’s outside appearance was just as beautiful as her personality.   After having hint after hint dropped by Charlie in the five minutes he spoke with him, he asked you out on a date.  Two months later you were inseparable. 

Six months later he knew he was in love.  You had been sick and hadn’t been able to see Charlie at the hospital, so Steve took your place.  You were insistent that someone be there for Charlie and the others.  Steve, Sam and Bucky took the job seriously and made sure the guys were well looked after.   You walked into the hospital finally feeling better than you had in a few days, to see Steve laughing with Charlie about something. 

One of the nurses calling your name gained Steve’s attention. His eyes watching the swing of your wide hips and round backside move down to talk to the head nurse.  He couldn’t help the goofy grin that took over his face.  After failing to get Steve’s attention, the other men turned to see what he was looking at.   

Charlie gave Steve a knowing grin when he finally caught the super soldier’s attention.  “My Betty use to swing her hips like that.  I probably looked like a smiling idiot, just like you do now.”

Steve let out a chuckle, “Is it that obvious?”

Charlie shook his head giving Steve a knowing grin, “You love that girl don’t ya?”

“I do.  If she woulda been around in the 30’s, I bet she would have noticed my scrawny tail right away.  Yet when we met those months ago, me looking like this, she ignored me”  Steve gestured to himself laughing.

“That girl is one in a million Cap.  Don’t let her slip away.”

“I won’t Charlie, I wo-”  Steve was cut short by the sight of you coming towards him.   He couldn’t help the dopey lovesick smile that took over his face when your eyes met his.

“You’re in deep Cap.  Betty would tell me to shut up and leave a young couple alone.  But I know a lovesick fool when I see one.  Why the hell are ya sittin’ here with us old farts, when you could be with your girl?  Get that girl home and give her some lovin’ ”

Giving Charlie a grin and salute he stood and made his way to stand in front of you.  “Hey doll, I am under strict orders from Charlie to take you home and ‘give you some lovin’.”

You scoff and peek around Steve to shoot Charlie a glare, all he does in wink in return and makes his way to the couch to join the boys in watching the latest sport highlights.

“I’m gonna give that dirty old man a piece of my mind!”  Before Steve could stop you, you had marched over to Charlie and was giving him an earful about minding his own business.  

Steve watched you in awe, your round cheeks red from the dirty joke Charlie inevitably had told you, your hands on your hips drawing attention to your hourglass figure.  Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he shook his head and gave his reflection a smirk.

Charlie had been right, he did smile like an idiot when it came to the girl he loved.  


	2. An I Love You Before We Say Goodbye

_an “I love you” before we say bye kind of love._

Charlie looked over his cards at Steve who was clearly lost in his own thoughts, nudging Sam he motioned to the super solider.  Sam just shook his head and nudged the metal armed super soldier to his right.  Bucky made to glare at Sam, but broke into a smile when he saw his best friend looking miles away.  

“Yoo hoo, Steve?  I thought I was the brain-washed one not you.  Pay attention.”  Bucky chuckled and the reddening cheeks of his best friend. 

“Shut up I’m payin’ attention.”

“Leave the man alone boys, he’s clearly in love.  We should all be so lucky.  Speakin’ of, have you told her yet Cap?”  Charlie smiled at Steve, he was happy for him.  Moreso happy for you, but still happy for Steve as well. 

“No. I don’t want to ruin anything by opening my big mouth.”  Bucky and Sam sat snickering to each other over Steve’s whining tone. 

“Will you two shut up?! At least I have a girl.” Steve grumbled looking back down at his cards and taking his turn. Both men tried and failed to contain their laughter.  

This was the fifth week in a row Steve had admitted he loved you to someone, but had yet to express it to you.  Bucky, Charlie, and Sam found it hilarious that practically everyone knew he loved you except for you.   The head nurse knew, she recommended telling you in the gazebo on the hospital grounds.   The head chef offered to make him a cake with “I love you” on it to give to you.  Even the teenage candy striper who volunteered after school had told him, “Dude grow a pair and just tell her.”

Since his friends, the hospital staff, and the sergeants had found out he didn’t go more than an hour without someone telling him to get the job done.  He knew he had to do it soon.  The team was heading out on a mission, the first long one since the two of your had got together.   He was suppose to be gone a month.  Steve just didn’t know how you were both going to cope being so far from each other.  He decided he would tell you he loved you and he had only one week to do it before he left. 

You had come in for your shift at the hospital where you now worked.  The head nurse had seen how great you were with the patients and promptly offered you a job.  Your were so thrilled that you could continue seeing everyone daily and even better still get paid for it.  Charlie was the most proud of you.  You reminded him so much of his Bettie, and he regarded you like a grandchild.  

“Hey there sweet girl.”  Charlie called and waved you over to where the men were playing cards.  The boys all greeted you with smiles, while Steve raised from his seat so quickly he knocked the table moving everything around. 

Bucky, Sam, and Charlie snickered to themselves, while they watched Steve turn red while you looking him with pure adoration. 

Steve just couldn’t help himself.  He knew it wasn’t appropriate and he knew you were on the clock.  He was never one for rule breaking, but he couldn’t help it.  He wrapped his muscular arms around your thick waist, dipped down and kissed you softly and reverently. 

After a slight cough, the two of you broke apart.  You moved away slightly but Steve’s hands never left your soft body.  You give the boys an easy smile, which they returned. 

“Y/n Steve has something he wants to tell you”  Bucky says standing and pulling Sam up by the arm.   

You look at them confused, then turn to Steve, then to Charlie giving him a questioning look. Charlie gives you his usual wink and a grin, before standing himself, “Time for my nap”

You glance at your watch, noting it was 10 am and no where near Charlie’s nap time but you keep your mouth shut.  Steve glares at the men as they leave. 

“Y/n, I…You know my mission is coming up.” You nod at him to continue, you knew he was nervous you just didn’t know about what. 

“I was hopin’ that you would…Is it okay if I…” you give him a confused look.  You had no idea where he was going with this. 

“Damnit! I was in the Army I can do this!”  He looks down frustrated with himself. You can’t help but let out a giggle.  

“Y/n don’t giggle at me all cute like that when I’m tryin’ to tell ya I love you it’s distractin’ ”  He huffs finally releasing you to cross his arms over his chest.  You look at him in shock.

He loved you.  He actually loves _YOU_!

You let out a squeal of excitement and push your lips to his, wrapping your wide arms around his neck.  Steve couldn’t believe how easy it was to tell you.  He also knew he could never let the guys know how he blurted it out. 

The sound of applause had the two of you jumping apart. Charlie, Sam, Bucky, and half the hospital staff were smiling and clapping. 

All you could do was laugh as Steve turned impossibly red.

“I love you too silly”  You had never seen Steve look so happy. 

* * *

The week had flown by Steve was doing last minute prep getting his bag ready in his apartment.  Steve had asked you to stay with him to keep him company since he had told you he loved you.  You had slowly made your presence known around the apartment.  Shoes by the door, your book on the bedside table, your clothes beside his in the closet.  Steve had loved every little hint of you around the apartment.

You had both fallen into a comfortable routine, Steve would get up and head for his run leaving you to sleep in a bit longer, a kiss on the head and an “I love you” before heading out a door.   Him watching a WWII documentary, while you grab your things to head to work giving him a bright smile, and your usual “I love you” which he happily returned. 

You sit on the couch beside Steve watching him fill his bag,  you sit with your back against the arm of the couch your feet stuffed under his leg, watching him with a fond smile. 

“I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too.”

You give him a smile and he pats your leg before leaning in to give you a kiss, as he breaks away you find yourself leaning forward to maintain the kiss.  He laughs slightly before kissing you a bit longer.  Finally he pulls away and sighs, standing up to to grab his bag and shield. 

“I’ll see you soon.  I’ll try to send you a message as soon as I can.”  He gives you a smile and looks shy as he heads to the door. 

“Don’t forget about me.”  You give him a sad smile trying hard to hold in your tears. 

“Never.”  

And with that Steve left, you looked around the room not quite sure what to do with yourself.  You hadn’t been apart from Steve for more than a few days here and there.  You get off the couch and make your way to the kitchen determined to not cry and stay busy.   You were gonna make the sergeants down at the hospital some cookies.  

You had just grabbed the cookbook down off the shelf, when you heard the front door swing open.  You cautiously peek around the corner to see Steve looking wildly around the room.

“Y/N?!  Where are ya darlin’” 

“Did you forget something?”  You come fully into the living room and he wraps his arms around your large body, kissing both of your round cheeks quickly. 

“I forgot to tell ya, I love’d ya before I left.  I walked out and it felt like I had forgotten my shield.   Without hearing you say I love you too made me feel like half a man.”

“I love you Steve.”  You smile taking in his flustered appearance.  

“I love you too, Y/n” Giving you one last kiss he broke away and turned to leave again, giving you one last glance he shut the door quietly.

It was going to be a long month.


	3. Just Checking In

_I want a “just checking in” kind of love._

It had been a week since Steve had left on his mission.  You had spent most of your time at the hospital spending time with the sergeants and Charlie.   As you walked some blankets into the day room, Grace, the head nurse, stops you with a look of surprise. 

“Y/n? You were suppose to go home three hours ago.  What are you still doing here?”

You give her a sad smile “It’s just a bit lonely at home at the moment.  I am off the clock I promise. I just rather prefer the company here.”

She gives you a knowing smile and pats your shoulder, going about her duties.  You went over to Charlie and the others handing them out blankets.  

“Sweet girl why in the hell are you still here?”  Charlie asked giving you a look.  You bite your lip and fuss with his blanket and pillow.

“Things are busy around here I am just helping out.” 

Charlie tapped the seat beside him urging you to sit down “You know when I was deployed, my Betty use to clean till her hands felt like they were going to fall off.  She did whatever she could to pass the time.   Almost drove herself crazy with worry.  Cap’s a smart guy he’ll be alright.”

You give Charlie a small smile, you knew he was right.  You just couldn’t help but worry about Steve.  Finally deciding to head back to Steve’s you went to your locker to gather your things.  A ding from your phone draws your attention.  You can’t help the smile that takes over your face as you read the text from an unknown number.

> I miss you more than words can say.  Just checking in. I love you.
> 
>  -Steve

Two weeks after Steve had left you were sitting in his apartment watching a movie, you heard a scuffling outside the door.  You stand and run to Steve’s room and grab the baseball bat he had left for you. 

_“I should have some sort of protection while you are gone.”  You look at Steve who was distracted by the baseball game on tv._

_“What like a weapon?”  He asks with a laugh._

_“Well yeah like a gun or something.”  You shrug giving him a small frown._

_“Darlin’ I don’t want ya havin’ a gun.  I don’t want ya hurting yourself.”_

_“How bout a baseball bat then?”_

_Then next day Steve had come home with a Louisville Slugger over his shoulder._

You walk slowly out to the living room holding your bat ready to swing.   The doorknob jiggles before you hear the door opening.   Had you left the door unlocked?  Had they picked the lock? What if it was Hydra?

When the door opened you didn’t even think you just swung.  The bat hit metal sending a loud “Ping!” throughout the room.  

“Jesus! doll it’s just me!”  

You finally open your eyes and drop the bat rushing over to Bucky where he stood holding his metal arm up in defence. 

“BUCKY!  Oh my God!  I’m so sorry!  I thought you were someone breaking in.”  You rush over and wrap your thick arms around him. 

“Doll you need to calm down, Steve just asked me to come over and give you this.”  Bucky hands you a piece of computer paper. 

You take the paper from his hands and read the Shield Confidential Memo heading on the top. 

> Darlin’-
> 
> Just wanna check in.  I’m fine and have been missing you more and more each day.  I love you. Can’t wait to see that beautiful smile of yours.  
> 
> -Steve

“You’ve turned my best friend into a sap Y/n.  He made me intercept his message so no one else would see it. Stupid jerk.”

You give Bucky a smile and another hug. “He’s wonderful.  And so are you for bringing me this.”

Bucky gives you a boyish grin, “Anytime doll.”

* * *

The week Steve was suppose to return was the hardest.  You threw yourself into your work.  Nobody had the heart to tell you to go home.  They knew now more than ever you needed the distraction.  Bucky had left on a mission so your direct line of contact to Steve was gone.  You knew since it was nearing the end of the mission that you wouldn’t be hearing from Steve much either. 

Steve arrived home around four a.m.  Being quiet as possible he set his bag and shield down.  Walking slowly to the hall closet he pulled out an extra blanket and pillow, tossing them on the couch, he headed into his room.  He knew you were here, Sam had called and checked in on you for him.

Peeking into the room he walked over to find your large body in the middle in the bed.   You were cuddling his pillow and the blankets were wrapped around your legs.  He smiled at your peaceful form. 

Steve was almost out of the room when he heard your sleepy voice call to him. 

“Steve?”

“Hey darlin’”

“When did you get home?”

“Just now.  I just wanted to check in on you. Go back to bed,  I am gonna sleep on the couch.”

You made grabby hands toward the direction of his voice. “No I don’t want to be separated from you anymore.”

Steve let out a chuckle before sliding into bed with you pressing his chest against your wide back he wrapped his arm around your waist and kissed your neck. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 


	4. Rub My Back After Work

_a rub my back after work kind of love_

The next morning you woke before Steve.  Contrary to popular belief when Steve could, he would sleep as much as possible after a mission.  Deciding to letting him sleep, you move his muscular arm off your thick waist.  You blush when you noticed it was on your stomach.   Deciding to surprise him with breakfast in bed, you get out of bed and pull on your yoga pants, normally you would just wear your oversized t-shirt and panties, but with Steve around you didn’t want to walk around with nothing on.  Though he had seen EVERYTHING, you still didn’t want to gross him out. Heading to the kitchen you start on your meal of french toast with fruit.   

You were in the midst of cutting strawberries when you heard movement from the bedroom.  You were praying you would be finished before Steve woke up.   You quickly finish and set everything on a tray taking it into the bedroom.   Steve was laying shirtless on the bed his arms behind his head, the blankets pulled down to his waist.   When you walk in the room, he sits up fixing you with a smile. 

“Hungry?”  You place the tray full of food on his lap, crawling into bed beside him.  He fixes you with a grin before wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you to him.  

“I missed ya so much darlin’.”  Kissing the top of your head he releases you and begins digging into his breakfast urgently, as if they hadn’t fed him the whole month he was gone.

Once Steve was done eating he moved the tray from the bed to the floor not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed.  He also didn’t want you going anywhere either.  It had been a month and he wasn’t going to be leaving your side for awhile.  You notice the groan Steve tried to stifle as he lays back down and turns on his side to face you. 

You fix him with a frown, “Are you okay?  You aren’t hurt are you?”

You begin checking him over, looking for any signs of cuts or bruises.   Steve let you fuss over him for just a moment, before grabbing your hands and pulling you to him.  He wraps his arms around your wide body and presses a kiss to your round cheek. 

“I’m fine darlin’ just sore.  Just lay with me for a while.”   You try to make yourself light as possible, not wanting to even breathe while you laid almost completely on top of him.  You just knew your weight would be adding to the pain. 

You lay like that for a few moments before crawling off of Steve.  Despite his eyes being closed he gave a grumble of displeasure before pulling you to him again and burying his face in your neck.   His hands made their way to the hem of the tee shirt you were wearing. 

“You’re wearing too many clothes.”  You feel the light stubble of Steve’s cheek rub against your neck as he spoke. 

You let out a giggle and pull his hands away from you kissing his cheek then his neck before sitting up.   When Steve finally opened his eyes to see why his girl was leaving him, his look of confusion was met with your grin.

“Roll over soldier.”  Steve gave a look of confusion but did as you told.   You sat off to his side and began giving him a shoulder massage.   The groan of relief that met your ears let you know that he was enjoying your motions.   You continued down his back, when you were almost certain that he had fallen back to sleep, you quit what you were doing and made to move away from him to let him get some more sleep. That’s when he lifted his head off the pillow to give you and indignant look. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the childish pout he was sporting.  His face looked completely relaxed and there were lines across his face from where he had pressed into the pillow.  You move back towards him, giving him a small smile. 

“Feel better?”

He rolls over onto his side and opens his arms to you, crawling into his arms you let his arms settle on your hips.  Kissing your lips gently distracting you as he removes the yoga pants you were wearing.  Once they had found their way to the floor, Steve broke the kiss.   

You give him a playful smile while he runs his hands up under your shirt to settle on your stomach.  As much as you try to remove his hands, they seem to hold on to you even more. 

“You were wearing too many clothes, I was just trying to make you more comfortable.  And to answer your question, yes, I do feel better.  If you plan on doing that after every mission, I’ll be leaving a lot more darlin’.”

You finally relax and let Steve pull you to him, you press your hand to his cheek and scratch his scruff lightly, “I’ll tell you what.  Keep leaving as much as you are or less and I will rub your back whenever you want.”

“You gotta deal darlin’” While Steve sealed the deal with kisses peppered all over your face, you couldn’t help but think how lucky you were.

 


	5. Noticed You Needed This

_an “I noticed that you need this so I got it for you” kind of love_

Steve sat in the morning room of the hospital with Charlie.  The two of them had been sitting in silence for close to thirty minutes.  Charlie had been staring at Steve for the last five wondering what the hell was going on with the man.  Steve was staring at the wall in front of him, to the untrained eye he was focused on the tv.  But to the ever observant Charlie he was no longer in the hospital, but far away in his own mind. 

Charlie had half a mind to call you over thinking Steve was having some sort of PTSD episode.  He was just about to get up and pull you from your office, when Steve finally turned to face him, Steve’s face held a look of contemplation, “Do you think Y/n would move in with me?”

He had become somewhat of a father figure to Steve, even though Steve was technically older than him, so he thought carefully before answering.  “Cap, that sweet girl loves you.  If you think the both of you are ready for it then I say go for it.  I know I wouldn’t mind wake up everyday beside a girl like that.”

Steve chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m gonna ask her tonight.  I don’t like that she lives alone in that tiny apartment.”

You had been living alone for sometime and the neighborhood you lived in wasn’t the greatest.  You spent most of your time between Steve’s apartment and the hospital.  You spent most of your weekends with Steve, packing one of Steve’s old gym bags with clothes and supplies.

After your shift was done you grabbed the bag and made your way to the day room.  You smile when you see Steve and drop you bag beside the couch.  As always he stood immediately and wrapped his arms around your wide hips.  Charlie shot you his usual wink and grin.   “How are my two favorite men?”

Ignoring your question and kissing you gently, he rubs your side, “Ready to go darlin’?”  

Nodding your approval you give Charlie a hug goodbye and the two of you make your way to Steve’s apartment.   

* * *

When you arrive at the front door of the apartment Steve places his hands on your shoulders to turn you to face him.  Letting out a deep breath he looks at you with a nervous expression. 

“Steve are you okay?  Did something happen?  Did I do somethin-”

“NO of course not!  You didn’t do anything and nothing happened. I just….Ya make me nervous you know that!”  Steve pulled you to him quickly hugging you tight.  The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel like you had done something wrong. 

“Move in with me.”

You pull away slightly and look at Steve in shock.  He wanted you to move in with him.  You never thought he would ask you that.  After all it wasn’t exactly proper in his time to live with someone when you were unmarried.  You really were the luckiest girl in the world. 

Looking at him with a smile you kiss him tenderly on the lips, “Of course I’ll move in with you.”

Steve pulled you back close to him, holding you tightly in his arms for a moment before pulling away and unlocking the door.   Swing the door open wide, he kisses your cheek pushing you gently into the apartment. “In that case, welcome home darlin’”

Once inside Steve takes the duffle bag from you and carries it to his room, talking to you over his shoulder as he walks,  “I’m glad you said yes, I already made space in the dresser and the closet for you.”  

Letting out a laugh you offer to make dinner for two of you while Steve is happily unpacking your bag.  You open the refrigerator finding it filled with your favorite food and wine.   Man were you one luck girl.  After grabbing some pans and placing them on the oven to cook, you go to pull out two plates for you and Steve.   When you reached in the usual cabinet you find it empty.   In fact there were no plates anywhere. 

“Steve?  Where are your plates?”  

Your question was met with silence before you heard Steve’s footsteps coming towards you in the kitchen.  Scratching the back of his neck Steve gave you a sheepish smile, “I like the plates at your place better and since you are moving in, I got rid of mine.”

You let out a giggle, “What would you have done if I had said no silly?”

Steve refusing to look you in the eye just shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess we can do take out tonight.”

You let out a laugh before grabbing your phone to order some pizza.

* * *

The next morning you woke to cramping in your back and stomach.  You gently lift Steve’s arm from around your thick waist, struggling a bit as you did.  Lifting his arm was like lifting a barbell, finally you were able to move from under him and headed to the bathroom. 

You sat down on the toilet half asleep, reaching blindly for a tampon, only to realize you were in Steve’s apartment, where you had no tampons or pads.  You couldn’t believe how dumb you were not to bring anything with you.   Mentally smacking yourself, you resigned yourself to the fact that you would now be living the next seven days in Steve’s bathroom.  There was no way you would be able to explain this to him.   He was from the 40s for goodness sake!  Did they even have tampons back then?  

The realization dawned on you that you would have to have this conversation now that you were going to be living with him.  Well this was going to be awkward.

Looking around the room you try to come up with a plan.  You decide to fix a makeshift pad out of toiletpaper.  You figure you could sneak out before Steve got up, go get some supplies and then you could hide them somewhere.   Your thoughts were broken as Steve knocked on the door, causing you to jump. 

“Darlin’ you okay in there? You’ve been gone awhile.  Are you feelin’ sick cause I can get you somethin’ if you need it.”  Steve’s worried voice filled the room.  You debate telling him what is going on before giving in. 

“Um…Steve?…I..Sometimes girls…oh god this is awkward.” You cover your face and get ready to be bright red for the rest of your life. 

“Darlin’ look in the right side of the cabinet.”  You could hear the humor in his voice, and glared half heartedly at him through the door before opening the cabinet. 

Looking in curiously, you pull out a box of pads and a box of tampons.  Both of the brands you always buy.  You had so many questions.  How had he known?  When did he buy these?  Your mind drifted to an image of Steve standing in the store looking at racks and racks of women’s products. 

Letting out a giggle at the thought,  you take care of yourself then head back into the bedroom.  Jumping on the bed you cuddle up to Steve and give him an urgent kiss.  “Thank you!  You’re amazing did you know that?”

Steve wraps his arms around you, chuckling,  “I guess I am.  I want ya to be comfortable here.  After all this is your place now too.”

“It’s OUR place.”

Steve gives you the biggest grin you had ever seen before rolling you over onto your back smothering your face with kisses.  Deciding that because of your current state the two of you would be spending your day lounging in bed, Steve gets up to grab you some food after hearing your stomach grumble. 

When he came back into the room, his arms filled with your favorite snacks, he dumped everything on the bed, before crawling in with you.  Wrapping his arms around you and holding you close, he kissed the top of your head letting out a content sigh. 

“Steve how did you know what type of…girl stuff I liked?  Also how did you know that I was going to have…my lady time.”  You look up at him as you speak.  He gives you a small smile and moves his hand to stroke your cheek gently. 

“Darlin’ I love you.  Of course I know what you like.   I may be a man, but I know what happens to you every month.  I can also read.  You mark the calendar in your kitchen every month with that unhappy face.”  Giving you a little tickle that has you squirming, he continues. 

“Plus my girl is forgetful. I knew you would forget something.  I also have a toothbrush for ya and there’s body wash for ya in the closet in the bathroom.” 

Looking at him in disbelief, you shake your head.  You were the luckiest.


	6. Gotta Kiss You Before I Leave

_an “I gotta kiss you before you leave” kind of love_

Steve was having an off morning.  Like way off.  He just couldn’t figure out why the hell everything was going wrong.  His morning started off like any other, he woke to you in his arms, followed by a good morning kiss and coffee.  Then you had left earlier than normal after an emergency call from the hospital. 

Steve decided since the weather was so beautiful, he would take his motorcycle to the tower.  It was a great idea till it started raining exactly two minutes after he left the apartment.   Steve cursed his luck but it was a short trip and a little water wouldn’t hurt him.  That was until the bike made an awful rumble noise and puttered to a stop.  Steve was only a mile from the tower, and he was a super soldier, so he decided to push his bike the rest of the way. 

Once his bike was safely in the tower garage, he headed to get changed for his training session with Bucky and Sam.  After he had changed into his workout gear he started his workout routine.  He always started his regime by stretching.  He rolled his shoulders back, stretched each arm over his head, and cracked his neck.  Just as Bucky and Sam walked into the gym, Steve bent down to touch his toes.

A loud ripping noise stopped all three men, Steve looked to the sky as if he was willing a higher power to strike him down.  His pants had ripped and his underwear was on show for Sam and Bucky.  While his two (ex) best friends had doubled over with laughter, Steve had groaned and marched back to the lockers to change again. 

When he returned the gym floor he sat on one of the benches going over his morning trying desperately to figure out what had caused his morning to be awful.

“You okay man? You seem off today.” Sam sat next to steve on the bench placing a hand on his shoulder. 

Bucky stood in front of his best friend watching him carefully, “Should we call Y/n?”

“Y/n!” Steve startled the two men with his shout.  Sam looked concerned and Bucky looked slightly terrified. 

“I didn’t get my good luck kiss.  She always kisses me and says good luck, always.  She didn’t this morning!  That’s why I had bad luck.  She’s my good luck charm.”  Sam and Bucky had never seen Steve look so crazy.  He gestured madly as spoke, his eyes wild.

The two men looked at Steve with hesitant, curious glances.  “Okayy, Steve you make your own luck man, lets hit the bags for a bit, it will distract you.”

Sam led Steve to his favorite punching bag and moved so Steve could get started.  Steve had just started hitting his bag with as much force as he could, when Natasha came in to the gym, “Is Y/n here?”

Hearing your name Steve turned quickly relieved that you were here, and turned to face the doors to the gym.  Unfortunately for Steve you weren’t there, but the punching bag was and it came swinging back at Steve hitting him in the shoulder and sending him flying to the floor. 

Opening his eyes and letting out a groan Steve found Sam, Natasha, and Bucky all standing over him with matching looks of concern. 

“Maybe you should hit the showers and call it a day” Bucky offered his hand to steve pulling him up. 

“That’s a good idea.  By the way has anyone seen my shield? I can’t find it at all.”  The three avengers shrugged not offering any advice and watched Steve carefully as he went to the men’s locker room. 

Steve had just finished his shower and was turning to grab his towel off the rack when he failed to see the soap sitting just below his feet.  Next thing Steve knew he was on his back wondering what he did to deserve this.  He was a good person, he didn’t deserve this. 

Bucky heard his yell and came running into the showers, “Seriously what is with you today?”

“I told you! I need my good luck kiss.”  Steve grimaced as Bucky helped him up, making sure he was covered by a towel in case anyone else happened to walk in.  Given his current luck a tour group would walk through any minute. 

* * *

After Bucky and Sam had insisted, they drove Steve home and placed him on the couch where he could stay out of trouble. 

You arrived home early in the afternoon, after having a stressful but good day.  You enter the apartment immediately zeroing in on Steve laying on the couch.  He is laying on his back, his arm covering his eyes. 

“Steve?  What’s wrong?”  You drop your things and run over to Steve perching your body beside him, without trying to squash him,  you rub his chest soothingly. 

Steve lets out a dramatic sigh still not uncovering his eyes. “I didn’t get my good luck kiss and I had an awful day.”

“Your good luck kiss?” You were confused, what did he mean ‘good luck kiss’?  

“You always give me a good luck kiss and you didn’t today.  Not only did my motorcycle breakdown in the rain, my pants ripped, the punching bag punched me, and I fell in the shower.”  Steve left out a breath of air. 

“Steve, I’m so sorry.”  You tried to hide your laughter, but fail.  Steve lets out a huff, while you lean forward and place a kiss on his lips.

“Good luck my darling.”  Before you can get up to start dinner, Steve reaches out grabbing your wrist. 

Pulling you down onto him, he wraps his arm around you and holds you close.  “I needed that hours ago, why’d you leave so early anyway?”

“Some of the sergeants got sick last night, food poisoning they think.  They just needed more hands to help.”  You close your eyes enjoying the feel of Steve’s hands rubbing your wide back. 

“Let me up soldier, I gotta make dinner.”  You make to push yourself off of him.  You didn’t really have to make dinner you were actually more concerned with squashing him. 

“No way.  Lets not move and order pizza.”

Letting out a sigh and slight smile, “You have to get the phone and order it though.”

Steve grumbled a bit before letting his hand drift to the back pocket on your jeans pulling your phone out of the pocket, he gives your butt a squeeze with his opposite hand, and starts dialing the number for your favorite pizza place. 

You kiss his neck and chuckle at his actions, “See darlin’ my luck’s already changin’”


	7. Did You Eat Today

a “baby did you eat today?” kind of love.

You had been sitting in the day room wedged between Charlie and Bucky, watching the baseball game.  Steve was currently signing autographs for a boy scout group that had come to help out at the hospital.  Sam who was suppose to be watching the game, was at the reception desk speaking with Clara, the new receptionist. 

The sound of Bucky, Steve, and Sam’s phones going off at the same moment drew your attention.  If all three were going off, it was going to be something work related.  You tried not to show your disappoint and slight fear.  You were always nervous when the boys left.  Steve meant the world to you and every time he left a piece of your heart broke and followed him out the door.  

After some shared glances Sam and Steve made their way to where you and Bucky were on the couch.  You refused to look at Steve’s face knowing if you did, he would see right through you.  A light squeeze on your leg had you looking at Bucky, by the look on his face you could tell he knew what you were thinking. 

“Y/n…..Darlin’ we have to-”

“Go. I know. It’s okay, be careful, all of you.”  Steve gave you a grateful smile and pulled you from the couch wrapping his arms around you.  

“Gonna miss ya every minute.” You smile at him, Bucky was right you were turning him into a softy. 

Before you could open your mouth a silky female voice filled the room.  “There you boys are we have to go.  I have your bags packed and ready.”

You glance behind Steve to find two gorgeous women, both with perfect bodies.  Steve turned leaving one arm wrapped around you.  “Nat, Wanda come meet Y/n.”

Looking at the two women you suddenly felt completely under dressed and plain.  These were the girls your boyfriend spent time with?!  What the hell is he doing with you if he could have them?!  Is this why you hadn’t been introduced to them till this moment?

The two women’s face showed nothing but excitement and happiness.  Natasha was the first to grab your hand shaking it. “FINALLY!  I have been wanting to meet you for ages!  Cap here thinks I will scare you away or something.”  

Laughing you shake Wanda’s hand and give Steve a tight smile.  He had rolled his eyes at Natasha’s comment.  He would never admit it but he was worried about you meeting the girls.  Natasha had a tendency to overwhelm people and he didn’t want you scared away.

“You better go Steve, you don’t want to be late saving the world.”  You give him a squeeze and kiss him lightly.  You waved at Bucky and Sam as they followed Steve and the girls out the door and off to their mission. 

* * *

After they left you made your way to Clara’s desk, she had asked if you wanted to exercise with her at the gym a few nights ago and you had promptly declined.  “Hey Clara wanna hit the gym tonight?”

Clara looked excited and was practically jumping in her seat. “Oh my gosh we are gonna have so much fun!  By the way, is Sam single?”

* * *

A few weeks later Steve had returned to a slightly smaller you.  You could see the look of surprise on his face but he kept his lips zipped.  He thought you looked a bit sick, your face appearing thinner. You were still beautiful to him, just he prefered you with a fuller face. 

The first night he had arrived home he told you he wanted to watch Netflix and order a pizza.  You countered with gym time.  The shock Steve felt was obvious.  He usually had to literally throw you over his shoulder to get you to go to the gym with him. 

“Are you okay darlin’?  You never wanna go to the gym.”  Steve plopped on the couch and pulled you on to him.  You shrug and let him hold you close, cuddling into his chest.

“I’ve been going with Clara.  She makes it fun, plus she has a crush on Sam so I am wingmanning for him.”  Steve chuckles and rubs your back slowly, lulling you into a sleepy state. 

“Tell ya what, we get pizza tonight and I will go to the gym with you tomorrow night before dinner.”  Nodding your head in approval you raise yourself off of Steve much to his displeasure to go order your pizza. 

* * *

The next day at the hospital was insane, three of the nurses had gotten sick, and two candy stripers had forgot to come to their volunteer hours.  You were stuck trying to pick up the slack.  You were exhausted.  Maybe you should have eaten something for breakfast instead of lying to Steve.  You felt horrible guilt for eating those two slices of pepperoni pizza.  What were you thinking!  You had been doing so well with eating better. 

You finally had a minute to sit down and plop on the couch beside Charlie. “No offence sweet girl, but you look awful.”

“Well thanks Charlie! What would Betty have said if you said somethin’ like that to her?”  You give him a pout and turn a bit red.  Stupid pizza.

“She would have given me a slap. You look exhausted and you’re too thin.  You need to eat something.”  Charlie had noticed your weight loss before anyone else.  He was old but he wasn’t stupid.  He had seen you working through your lunch breaks, and even some of your dinner breaks.  He knew you hadn’t even had some of the cookies from the kitchen the other day.  He had half a mind to tell Steve, but he knew the truth would out itself eventually. 

You almost groaned when you saw Steve walking into the day room wearing his gym gear, getting up you greet him with a kiss and hug before going to grab your gym bag.  

* * *

Once you had arrived at the gym, you and Steve split up, he went the weights while you went to the treadmill.  After about an hour of working out, Steve realized you hadn’t come over to the weight area.  In fact he hadn’t seen you leave the cardio area at all.   Replacing the weights on the rack against the wall, he headed toward where he had left you in the cardio area.   He found you sitting on an exercise bike, your headphones in your ears and your eyes closed.  You were pedaling the bike as quick as you could and you were covered in sweat.  Steve took the opportunity to get a good look at you.  Your face was smaller and your clothes were a bit baggier, you normally healthy looking skin was red and splotchy.   You looked ill, very ill.  

Steve walked over to you and gently pulled one of the earbuds out of your ear. “Doll I think we better hit the showers and grab some dinner.”

You give him a smile and slow to a stop. Before you get off the machine though, Steve stops you.  It dawned on him that you didn’t eat this morning and your lunch box had remained on the counter in the kitchen instead of going with you to work. 

“Darlin’ did you eat today?”  His face is filled with concern, you turn your head away from him and nod your head slightly.   It wasn’t a lie.  You had two mints around noon. 

Steve’s face showed that he didn’t really believe you, and his suspicions were confirmed when you stepped off the exercise bike and promptly passed out in his arms.


	8. Non-Stop Joke Fest Till You Smile

_a nonstop joke fest until I smile again kind of love._

You were only out a minute before you woke to Steve patting your cheek gently with a worried expression on his face.  When he saw your eye’s open relief flooded his features.  Holding you close he lifts you in his arms, carrying you straight out of the gym and to his old Ford Truck.  Once he was satisfied that you were secure in the seat he shut the door and got in.

You both sat in silence, you wanted to say something but weren’t sure where to start.  You could tell he was angry by the tension in his jaw.  It was the first time you were the reason for his anger and it broke your heart.

When he pulled into his usual spot and parked the car he finally turn toward you.  As he looks you over, you can see the anger seeping away from him.  “Darlin’ what’s going on?”

You look down picking at your fingernails.  “I just wanted to lose a little weight. I just thought you’d be happier.”

“Happier?! Darlin’ you make me so happy. Just as you are.  Did- did I do somethin’ to make ya feel this way.”  Steve looked away from you, you didn’t need to see his face to know he was blaming himself.

“No it wasn’t you.  I just… after seeing the beautiful women you are surrounded with daily, I just want to keep up.  I don’t want you to regret being with me.” You bite your lip and begin to open the truck door.  You well physically and emotionally drained from everything. 

Steve opened his mouth to speak but hearing the door open, he slammed it shut.  He opened his door quickly getting out and rushing to your side of the car.  He helped you out again picking you up in his arms against your protests.  

“Steve stop!  Put me down I am too heavy!” You struggle a bit trying to get down.  Steve said nothing but held you tighter not letting you move out of his grip. 

When you reached the front door he finally put you down.  Opening the door he let you lead him in.  You head straight to the couch, your legs feeling like jelly.  Steve headed towards the kitchen, after grabbing two waters he handed one to you. 

He sat beside you on the couch turning to face you, his arm resting against the back of the couch behind you. “Darlin’ I have never and will never regret being with you.  Let me tell you Natasha and Wanda, they’re great and good lookin’ too.  But you- you are gorgeous and damn near perfect.”

You look up to meet his eyes flushing slightly when you see his loved filled eyes. “I feel so stupid.  I’m sorry for scaring you.  I really didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t doll, can you do one thing for me?”  He moves his arm to wrap around you pulling you close to him.

“Anything”

“Smile for me.  Please?”  He gives you a soft kiss and watches as the edges of your lips curl up slightly.  It wasn’t your usual smile but it was a start.

“Did you know once Natasha walked into a real spider web and had a total meltdown.  Her arms flailed she accidentally smacked Clint in the face.  Elegance and grace went right out the window.”  Steve smiled at the memory, his smile grew when noticed your lips had curled even more.

“And you think Wanda looks great?  She came out to breakfast one morning with a facemask on, these weird lotion gloves on her hands, she said good morning and Tony who was hung over almost punched her.  He thought we were being attacked by an alien.”  Steve laughed a bit and was even more delighted when he saw you had a full smile on your face.

“Thanks for making me feel better.  I love you steve. I’m so sorry for today.”  You gently move from his side and cautiously make your way onto his lap.

“If this is too much weig-”. Steve gripped you tightly and pulled you full on his lap.

“It is not too much weight don’t you dare think about moving.  Also yesterday I went into the VA, you know that nice old lady who works in the dining room?” You nod your head thinking about Doris, the kind old woman who volunteers serving residence their dinners.

“Well I caught her and Bill kissin’ in the kitchen.”  He gives you a big grin and you can’t help the laughter bubbling in throat.

You couldn’t believe it.  Bill was Charlie’s Bucky, they were closer than close and Bill was a ladies man like you wouldn’t believe. 

“Go Bill! Go Doris! They both deserve to be happy.  So tell me do they know you know?”  You give him a genuine smile.

“Well I did walk into the door immediately after trying to give them privacy, so yes they know I saw.”  Steve laughs with you, before kissing you gently on the neck. 

“There’s that smile I love so much.  Darlin’ I love you and no one will ever compare to you.”

“Thanks for being my hero Steve.”

“It’s what I do love.  My only job is to keep you smiling.”


	9. Hold Me Till My Panic Attack Passes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Panic and Anxiety Attack

**_a hold me until my panic attack passes kind of love._ **

It had been a long day.  Steve was off on a solo mission and you hadn’t seen him in three weeks.  Bucky and Sam had come to see you at the hospital daily, often bringing Natasha and Wanda with them.  Between the four of them and Charlie they kept you distracted.  The girls took you shopping and Charlie made plans with you to watch every game of every sport that was shown on tv.  You were so lucky to have such an amazing support system, but you still missed Steve. 

It was after bidding Charlie a goodnight, that you finally headed home around 11.  You had spent most of your day trying to keep up with all the extra duties at the hospital. You immediately headed to the shower to wash the day away.  After your shower you settled into bed, hopefully to get some sleep.  

The shrill ringing of your phone at three am forced you awake.   Reaching for your phone barely opening your eyes, the harshness of the bright screen showed the hospital’s name.  “Hello?”

“Y/n?  It’s Grace.  I’m so sorry to wake you.”  You could hear Grace’s voice tremble.  You sit up quickly all the sleepiness suddenly gone from your body. 

“What is it Grace?  What’s happened?  Do I need to come in?”  You could feel your heartbeat start to race. 

“I don’t know how to say this…Y/n…Charlie just passed away.  He had been up a few hours ago.  I went into check on him and he was gone.  I know you two were so close.  I’m so sorry.  I want you to take the next few days off okay?”  You couldn’t speak, your mind was racing.  Had you missed something?  Was Charlie sick?  Could you have done something?  You managed to say okay and goodbye to Grace and hung up the phone. 

You were in shock and didn’t know what to do. You wanted Steve, that you knew for sure.  You knew there was no way to get in contact with him.  Only Maria could do that and this was something you doubt they would call him home for.  You did the only other thing you could think of, you called Bucky. 

Bucky’s gruff voice picked up on the second ring, poor thing was such a light sleeper.  You immediately felt guilty that you had woke him. “Hello?”

You open your mouth to begin to tell Bucky what has happened but all that comes out is a sob. “Y/n? Doll?  What’s wrong?!”

When you offer Bucky no response, you hear him shuffling around,”I’m coming right now doll, tell me where you are.”

You finally manage to get the word ‘home’ out of your mouth and collapse back into your bed.  You grab Steve’s pillow and hold it tightly to your chest, laying on your side you face the wall.  You try to quiet yourself down.  Sobbing wasn’t going to bring Charlie back. 

After what felt like seconds, you heard the front door opening and a weight beside you on the bed. Bucky crawled into bed with you and rubbed your shoulder gently. “What happened doll?  Are you hurt?”

You stare at the wall in front of you, sobs no longer racking your body, but the tears still flowing freely down your cheeks, “Charlie died.”

You hear Bucky’s breath hitch in his throat, “I’m gonna call Sam.”

A small sob makes it way out of you again and you roll over to face Bucky, grabbing his wrist,  a look of panic on your face, “Please don’t leave.”

If Bucky is surprised by your action, he doesn’t show it.  He makes himself more comfortable on the bed, his back against the headboard and his legs extended out in front of him. “Not goin’ anywhere.  Steve would kill me if I left you during a time like this.  Sam’s just better at this stuff than me.”

His conversation was short with Sam, truth be told you didn’t even process what Bucky had said to Sam, you just held the pillow filled with Steve’s scent to your chest.   When Sam arrived he sat at the end on the bed and watched you carefully.  “Y/n, what can we do to help?”

“I don’t want to be alone.”  Bucky and Sam nodded, and after a brief discussion, Sam would take the guest room, and Bucky the couch.  After promising you they would be there when you woke, you finally tried to get some sleep. 

The next morning you woke to the sounds of Bucky and Sam banging around the apartment.  You stretch a bit in bed and look at the clock.  It was almost noon.  You had a brief moment of panic about being late for work, when the events of last night filled your head.  Charlie was gone.  Charlie was gone and Steve didn’t know.   Steve was just as close with Charlie as you were, this was going to affect him as much as you, maybe even more.  Just before Steve had left on his mission Charlie had told Steve he had something for him.   They had spent almost two hours in Charlie’s room and neither would budge when you questioned them both. 

You force yourself to get out of bed and make your way to the kitchen where Sam is making some pancakes, while Bucky read the paper.  You gaze at the two men unable to find the words to tell them how thankful you were for them.  Bucky looks up from the paper and gives you a big (fake) smile. “There she is!”

You tried to force a smile to your face, knowing that he is trying to make you feel better, but it doesn’t come.  You sit beside Bucky and wave at Sam, he places a plate with some pancakes in front of you.  “You need to eat.”

“Thank you.  Do you know when Steve will be back?” The men shared a look, Steve was technically supposed to arrive home two days ago.  The boys knew it was probably nothing serious, but the last thing you needed was to worry more.

Bucky clears his throat after having a conversation with Sam via their eyes, “Doll why don’t you come stay with us in the tower for a few days.  I know Nat and Wanda would love that.”

You nod your head, before taking a bite of your pancake.  You knew you should be eating but you just couldn’t, so you push the plate away and go to sit on the couch.  Flipping on the tv, you scan through the channels, the boys watch as you keep flipping through channels never selecting one, just staring straight ahead. 

“We have to do something, she can’t just sit like a zombie until Steve comes back.”  Bucky faced Sam, he knew he was crap at comforting people, this was Sam’s territory. 

“I’m gonna call Maria.  She’s going through the mourning process.  It affects everyone differently.  Eventually she’ll break and it will be messy and then it will get better.”  Sam leaves to the guest room to call Maria, the last thing you needed was to hear that phone call. 

“Why don’t we put on a movie doll?”  Bucky took the remote from you finding one of your disney classics and putting it on. 

A bit later after putting in another Disney movie, Bucky went to Sam asking what he found out. “Steve just got home, he went to debriefing and will be here in about two hours.”

Bucky peeked around the corner at your form,  you hadn’t moved in almost 3 hours. “Will she make it that long?”

Sam couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “She’s upset and in shock Barnes, not a bomb.”

Another hour later after your disney movie had finished and Bucky and Sam had joined you on either side of the couch, you finally moved.  You went to grab a glass of water and used the bathroom, when you had returned to the boys they had changed the channel to a baseball game. 

You start to smile, then realize you were suppose to watch this game with Charlie today.  Tears well up in your eyes, and you can feel the sob rising in your chest, only this time it brings with it tightness.  The boys hearing your sob, turn to face you, they both quickly run towards you as your grasp yourself tightly. 

You collapse to the floor, the tears and sobs coming quickly making it impossible for you to catch your breath.  It’s like an elephant is sitting on your chest and you don’t know what to do.  You begin to panic and try to curl into yourself.  You can see Sam and Bucky talking to you but you don’t hear anything they are saying all you can hear are your own sobs. 

Suddenly, Sam and Bucky are gone and you are lifted off the floor two strong arms are wrapped around you and hear Steve’s voice cut through the sobs. 

“Breathe, you have to breathe.  You’re okay. In and out.”  You try to focus on his voice, but the sobs still come.

“Focus on me darlin’, in and out.  I got you, I’m right here.”  His deep voice finally overtakes the sobs and you feel your body begin to relax. 

“S-sorry”  Was all you could get out.  You move your head from Steve’s chest and look around.  Bucky and Sam were nowhere in sight, they probably thought you were insane.

Steve shushed you and held your head to his chest. “No reason to be sorry.  You loved Charlie we all did.  He was a great man.  Sam and Bucky went to go grab us some dinner.  They told me you didn’t eat much.”

“When did they tell you?”

“They called Maria, I decided to leave the briefing early.  I just got back today.  Darlin’ I love you and will always be there for you.” 

You give Steve a brief kiss on his lips before cuddling into his chest. “You must be tired, why don’t you go lay down and I will get you something to eat?”

Steve let out a soft laugh, “Can’t you just let me take care of you for once?  Sam and Bucky went to grab food and all I want right now is to hold you, and make sure you are okay.”

You give him a sheepish smile and nod, he lifts your large body in his arms and moves the two of you to the couch.  Placing you on top of him he rubs your back, soothing you into a slumber.   He’ll tell you what Charlie told him tomorrow.  For now he would keep his promise to Charlie and make sure you were taken care of.


	10. wipe my tears away kind of love.

_a wipe my tears away kind of love._

You wake up in Steve’s arms, having eventually made your way to the bedroom.  Your head was on his chest, your arms around him.  Your mind hadn’t turned off really at all, you tossed and turned until Steve finally locked both his arms around you, trapping you against him. 

You feel Steve’s arms loosen and know he is awake.  He presses a kiss against your head then your cheek then your lips.  You give him a sad smile, but make no move to get up.  He presses his face into your neck and you feel his lips graze your skin. “Let’s stay in bed all day.”

He lifts his head, you never want to stay in bed, you were usually up and getting stuff done by eight in the morning at the latest.  Steve looks you over, he knew that this had something to do with Charlie.  He also knew that he couldn’t let you wallow in your grief. 

“You remember that day me and Charlie were in his room and talked? He told me about a few things and he, Charlie was a great man, he loved you like a granddaughter.   Charlie and Betty didn’t have any kids, Betty couldn’t-.  He left us both somethin.”  Steve held you tightly as he spoke knowing this was going to be hard for you. 

“I know he felt like I was a granddaughter, but why would he leave me something?  I don’t need anything.  What I want is Charlie back and that isn’t going to happen.”  You can feel your tears welling in your eyes, and will yourself not to cry. 

You feel Steve’s arms leave your body, for a brief moment you fear he is going to leave you alone.  You grab him close and press your face to his chest. “Please don’t leave me”

You couldn’t see it from your position, but Steve’s face held a look of guilt.  He slightly blamed himself for not being beside you when you received the phone call telling you of Charlie’s death.  

He gently pushed you away from his chest holding you so you could see his face. “I am taking a leave of absence for a while. I’ve already spoken with the team.  I’m not going anywhere, not unless you tell me to leave.  I promise. I just wanna get one thing out of the closet and I’ll be right back. Okay?”

You give him a nod finally releasing him so he could get up.  You watched as he walked to the closet and began rummaging on the top shelf looking for something.  Part of you was delighted Steve wouldn’t be going on missions for a while, the other part of you felt horrible that you were causing him to miss work.  You knew the world needed him and you had to learn to be alone. 

Steve spoke to you over his shoulder while he dug through an old shoe box, “Charlie told me that out of all the medals for all the wars and battles he has been in this was his favorite.  This battle was the hardest he had ever fought in, but it brought a lot of lessons and rewards with it.”

He placed the item he was looking for in his large hand and walked back to you.  You sat up in bed and waited for him to join you.  You looked at him in confusion when he didn’t join you on the bed, but kneeled on his knees, elbows resting on the bed, clutching the item in his hands. 

“He wanted you to have it.  He told me to tell you, he never had a daughter but if he did, she’d be just like you.  Perfect. I added the perfect part by the way darlin’” Steve gives you laugh and you can’t help but smile.  You lean down and give Steve a kiss, which he returns immediately. 

“I know I am not perfect.  I leave you alone too much and I bring a lot of baggage.  I know I love you, I promise I will never let you down.  Will you marry me?”  Steve finally opens his hands revealing three rings held together by a ball chain.  There were two plain gold bands, one larger than the other, then a simple square diamond on a slim gold band. 

You look at the rings, tears spilling out of your eyes, and nod not trusting yourself to speak.  The smile on Steve’s face held hope, happiness, and relief.   He knew it wasn’t the best moment but it was something that you would share forever.  Steve raises himself up to sit on the bed and kisses you soundly.   When he feels the moisture from your tears on his cheeks, he pulls away wiping them from your cheeks. 

He opens the clasp on the ball chain with ease and pulls off the diamond ring. He took your hand in his and began to place the ring on your finger.  Looking at the petite ring, you suddenly became very aware of how large your fingers are, Steve noticed your smile falter slightly, and as if he could read your mind, he kissed your cheek and whispered in your ear, “It can be resized if it needs to be darlin’ this ring belongs to you, no one else is worthy of wearing it.”

You nod your head and hold your breath as Steve slides the ring on your finger.  The finger is cool against your warm skin, it slides on perfectly, not even catching on your knuckle.  You hear Steve let out a laugh, and feel his lips press against your cheek. You stare at your hand in disbelief, it was a perfect fit. 

“Perfect ring for my perfect girl.  You never actually answered me though darlin’.  You know I asked Charlie for permission and got an hour lecture on how to treat you right.  I think I deserve to hear the voice I love tellin’ me yes.”  Steve laughed holding your face to look you in the eyes. 

“Yes Steve I’ll marry you.”  You fall back on the bed as Steve falls on top of you, letting out a whoop of joy and smothers your face with kisses.  There were only happy tears for Steve to wipe away after that.


	11. a “we’re not going to bed til we’ve made up” kind of love.

_a “we’re not going to bed til we’ve made up” kind of love._

You sit at your desk in the hospital, you chance a glance above your laptop.  He was still there, still watching you.  Normally you would love having Steve’s eyes on you, but since you got back from your honeymoon, he was driving you crazy.  You had both agreed a short engagement would be best so you planned a quick and quiet ceremony and were married 4 months after Charlie had passed away.

The two of you decided to wed on Charlie and Betty’s wedding anniversary hoping the date would bring your marriage luck.  So far it had.  Steve was perfect, too perfect and he was driving you insane. 

Steve had still not returned to work from his leave of absence.  You, Bucky, and Sam had all been glad you hadn’t placed money on when Steve would return, you all would have been broke.  You look over your laptop once more and force yourself not to roll your eyes, Steve was still looking at you, not at all focused on the book in his hands. 

“Why don’t you go and see Bucky and Sam.  Maybe help them with their files.”  You had hoped he would take your suggestion and give you some space. 

“They are on a mission, should be back in a few days, I wanna spend time with you anyway.” Steve gave you that sweet smile of his and try not to let your disappointment show. 

He was literally around all the time.  You saw him at home, he visited you at work, hell he had even taken to sitting in the bathroom with you while you showered.   Normally you wouldn’t have minded but he was smothering you, and if he didn’t back off soon you don’t know what you were going to do. 

“Why don’t you head home and get dinner for us.   You can pick whatever you want and I’ll finish up here and meet you at home.”  You give him a bright smile, hoping he will catch your excitement and give you a few moments of peace. 

“Good idea darlin’!  I’ll get pizza from Vinny’s and we can watch a movie.”  He pushes himself off the chair and moves to your side of the desk and plants a kiss on your cheek. 

You watch as he leaves your office and as soon as he is out of sight you lean back in your chair and let out a breath of air.   Alone at last.  You work for another 30 minutes before preparing to leave.

Taking out your phone you type a quick text to Natasha.  She had been your saving grace, you had become very close and were able to talk to her about Steve. 

> He finally left me alone.  I love him but he is driving me crazy.   Any ideas on how to get him out of my hair? He’s so clingy. 

You click send and grab your bag, glancing at your phone again to look at the time, you notice you didn’t, in fact, click Nat’s message feed but Steve’s.  You look at the tiny ‘Read’ below your text, telling you he had read what you had said about him.  You let out a groan and wipe a hand down your face. Great.  You get in your car and head home. You knew you would be in for it when you got home.

When you arrived home, you slowly entered your apartment, biting your lip in apprehension.  You set your keys and bag down looking in the living room finding it untouched from when you both had left this morning.  As you walk further into the apartment you find your dining room table set with candles and a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers by your normal seat.  You couldn’t have felt worse. 

You hear some movement behind you and you turn to face Steve.  He is clad in his uniform, his go bag in hand.  You look at him and open your mouth to speak, Steve raises his hand to stop you. 

“Sam and Bucky need my help, I will be back in a few days.”  He walks slowly towards you not really looking at you, kissing your cheek he gives you a sad smile, and heads to the front door. 

“Enjoy your alone time.”  

You were frozen in place when the door shut behind him.  Everything in your heart was urging you to go to him to stop him.  Your body however, refused to move.  You sit in place on the floor and pull out your phone, typing a quick message to Nat relaying the events of the last few minutes, trying to decide what to do.  After about 20 minutes your phone alerted you to Nat’s reply. 

> Stopped him. He’s heading home.  Fix this.

You let out a sigh of relief, you pull yourself off the floor and get changed into some comfortable clothes.  You park yourself on the couch and anxiously watch the door.  You needed Steve, you needed to apologize and make everything right.  After what seemed like hours you finally heard Steve’s key glide into the lock. 

When Steve entered the apartment his eyes were immediately drawn to your form which had stood when you heard the large wooden door opening. 

Steve kicked off his shoes and placed his bag down on the floor before stating simply  “I wasn’t needed there either.”

Your heart cracked in half, if it was possible you felt even worse.  You walk up to him slowly, wrapping your arms around him. He doesn’t return your affection, just waits till you release him, before making his way to your bedroom. 

“I’m going to bed, goodnight.”

“No.”  Your voice stops Steve in his tracks, he turns to you with a deep frown on his face. 

“Do I annoy you that badly that you can’t even bare to share a bed with me?”  You feel body shaking with fear, you weren’t fearful of Steve, but fearful of the turmoil you had caused in your marriage and to the man you love. 

“No. Steve - I’m- I don’t want us to go to bed till we’ve made up.  I don’t want something to happen and then…”  You trail off not able to even form the words.   The idea of knowing that you could wake up and lose the person you hold most dear was physically painful. 

“I love you and I’m so sorry I didn’t just talk to you.  I love having you around, but I feel like I can’t do anything anymore without you being beside me.  I love spending time with you but I need some space.  I’m positive you’re ready to get away from me too.”  You wipe at your eyes, and sit on the couch. 

Steve lets out a sigh and comes to sit beside you pulling you into his arms. “I think it’s time for me to go back to work.   I love spending time with you too, I just…I don’t want to lose you.  It seems like whenever something good happens to me, it gets taken away.  I just can’t bare the idea of that happening with us.”

You feel him kiss your head gently, and you turn to look him square in the eye, “I’m not going anywhere.  I just want to be able to miss you sometimes.  I’m not saying I want you gone all the time but I think we both need our space.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry too darlin’”  He kisses your lips lightly and moves his hand to stroke your round cheek gently.  You sit in silence for a moment enjoying the feel of each other.

“Let’s go to bed.”  He pulls you up with a cheeky grin changing his demeanor almost instantly. 

“It’s only 8, and I want to apologize for that text, I was upset and didn’t mean it.” Steve hums at you pulling you toward the bedroom.  You give him a bit of a yank trying to stop him.

“Steve it’s only 8, I’m not tired.”  Steve turns around and scoopes your large frame into his arms. 

“You will be after I’m done making up with you.”  Your eyes widen and you laugh a bit shaking your head.  You finally quit moving in his arms allowing him to carry you into your bedroom where you would make up for hours, not tiring until the wee hours of the morning.


	12. a “you’re the first person I told” kind of love.

_a “you’re the first person I told” kind of love._

Bucky, Sam, Nat, and Wanda’s eyes all followed you as you paced the floor of your living room, you were 5 months pregnant and had just found out the gender of your baby.   Steve was off on a short week long mission and this was the moment the two of you had been waiting for.  Bucky had gone with you to your appointment in Steve’s absence, and as soon as he heard that you knew what the two of you were having, he called Sam and the others. 

You couldn’t believe the timing.  Why couldn’t Steve have come home yesterday?  He was due back home any minute and you just couldn’t wait.  Why did he have to have a mission the day you found out you were having a-

You shoot a quick glance at Wanda, she’s watching you intently, you can see in her face she is trying her hardest not to take a peek into your mind.  Natasha is stoic as always, but you notice she is tapping her finger on her knee rapidly.  Sam is watching you like a falcon and you notice Bucky giving you his patented puppy dog eyes. 

“Will you people just go!  Steve has to be the first to know this time!”  You give Bucky a glare and he has the good sense to look apologetic. 

You know it was a low blow and it wasn’t technically Bucky’s fault that he had known you were pregnant before Steve.  “Doll I told you that was accident.  You looked like you were gonna die!”

You sit down on the floor immediately regretting it, it was going to be a nightmare to get your already large form up, and with your pregnant stomach it would be impossible without help.  You stare up at your four friends and let out a huff.  You debated just spilling the beans, but the memory of Steve finding out you were pregnant stopped you.

* * *

You had been staying at the tower while Steve was on a month long mission with Sam.  You had spent a wonderful day out with Natasha shopping.  When you had arrived back at the tower that evening, your stomach had you running to the bathroom.  The sound of you puking your guts up had caught Bucky’s attention and sent him searching for you.  After holding your hair back and assuring you that you weren’t going to die, he carried you, despite your protests that you were too heavy, to Steve’s old room and promptly put you to bed.

The next morning you felt perfectly fine at if the night before had never happened.  At breakfast Natasha had teased you that you might be pregnant, you had laughed along with her, before the thought struck you, it was possible.  After breakfast you headed to the drug store and bought a pregnancy test. 

After taking the test and waiting those 3 agonizing minutes, you had seen the little plus sign on the test, and had promptly burst into happy tears.  You and Steve were going to be parents, and he didn’t even know.  After his morning workout Bucky had decided to come check on you.  Bursting through the door, giving no regard to personal privacy, he saw you crying and immediately took you in his arms, trying to soothe you.

Bucky may have grown up in the 30s but he wasn’t ignorant to modern medical equipment.  Seeing the test in your hand, he let out a loud yell, hugging you tightly, “Steve’s gonna be so happy doll!  Congratulations!”

You immediately stopped crying, you push Bucky off you and stare at him with wide eyes, “You can’t know before Steve!”

“Know what before Steve?” The voice that you loved so much had fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. 

Steve dropped his bag and quickly ran to you, wrapping his arms around your round waist. “What is it darlin’.  Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it.”

Bucky lets out a laugh, “You can’t fix this for a few months ya jerk.  I thought Y/n had food poisoning.  Turns out you knocked her up.”

Steve looked at Bucky in confusion, then back to you.  You took a moment to shoot a glare at Bucky, then a smile at Steve, “It’s true, Steve I’m pregnant.”

The happiness that Steve was feeling was like nothing else he had ever experienced, he jumped up pulling you with him and hugged you tightly.   It was then that he saw Bucky watching the two of you from the bed with large smile on his face.  Steve’s happiness faded to a frown, “Why’s he know before me?”

* * *

The sound of a key in the lock breaks your glare that you had aimed at Bucky.  Steve walked into your apartment dropping his keys and bag before meeting the expectant faces of four of his friends and his wife.  “Why is my pregnant wife sitting on the floor and you four are on the couch?”

Bucky couldn’t contain himself any longer he jumped off the couch and pointed at you excitedly, “She went to the doctor and knows if it’s a boy!”

You notice Steve begin to frown, before he could say anything though, Natasha stood as well, poking Bucky roughly in the chest. “It’s gonna be a girl!”

Steve looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to correct either Bucky or Natasha.  You give Steve a broad smile and stick your arms out so he can help you from the floor.  Once he had helped you up, you grabbed his hand pulling him away from the group and into your bedroom. 

Slamming the door on Sam and Wanda who had quickly followed you both, you turn to Steve and push him towards the bed.  After he was seated with you beside him, you took his hand in yours, “Don’t worry, you’re the first one I’ve told.  You’re gonna be a daddy to a beautiful baby girl.”

You hold your breath and wait for his response, the joy seen in Steve’s eyes was unlike anything you had ever seen.  He wrapped his arms around you pulling you close repeatedly thanking you and kissing your face till you were sure his lips would fall off. 

Four months later Margaret Elizabeth Rogers entered the world.

*Wanna read about Maggie’s adventures? Check out my Daddy Daze series! Coming Soon!* 


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